there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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