maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
