two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
