I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
