His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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