I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
