just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
