Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
be right there i have to get my cape
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
