I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
