So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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