I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
