he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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