If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
