Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
