Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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