didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
