just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I've blown a few things in my day
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
