I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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