She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
