he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
