I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
