Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
