I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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