Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Can you bring me the toilet please
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
