her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
