one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
