you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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