Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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