Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
