wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
