Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
