I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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