can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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