So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
