You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
