i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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