i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
