i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i drank out of a bidet.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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