I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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