I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
