She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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