I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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