your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
