2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
