i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
