Please, let me fuck your mom
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
