Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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