i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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