Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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