Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
