The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
