My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
