She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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