In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
