So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
