I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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