There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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