I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
